i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
