i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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