I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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