Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
