last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
