So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
There are leaves in my underwear?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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