Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
