But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
