i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
