google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
