I wannas sexs uuuuu
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
