if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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