Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
