Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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