none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
