Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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