just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
