Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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