Who wears a wallet chain?!
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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