I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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