I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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