I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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