He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
