now i know why i became what i already was.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
