you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
