??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you would pick up someone in the library
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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