My nipple is on Facebook.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
