no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
