My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
