I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
