in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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