I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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