he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
