I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
