please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's never too late to be topless.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
