This is not my ceiling
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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