Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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