I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
