he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
