There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
