I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dicks are not precious.
we're so committed to being not committed
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
