how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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