what day is it and did you see me today?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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