Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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