Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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