hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
