just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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