There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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