Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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