What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
